Around 18 months prior to this (2017) I had realised that whilst I had thought I was doing ok and not experiencing depression and anxiety, I wasn’t really ok.

I’d experienced depression and anxiety (particularly social anxiety) for as long as I can remember, at least from my teenage years, and had spent many, many years struggling with this. Either feeling too numb to do any of the things I enjoyed, or being so overcome with anxiety about what others might think of me that I couldn’t enjoy them.

For a little while, I’d thought I was doing ok. I wasn’t in the pit of depression. But in the run-up to my 30th birthday, I realised that fear was still such a massive driver in my life - in my decisions and indecisions. I realised I wasn’t really ok, I wasn’t really living - not in the way I wanted to. And I wasn’t ok with the next 30 years being the same.

So I started a process of prioritising my mental wellbeing and working on my relationship with myself. I did not love myself. I didn’t even like myself. I had such a negative view of myself and I was worried about other people seeing me in the same way. I needed to change how I felt about myself first and foremost. How could I push myself forward when I didn’t really believe it was possible for me, that I could do it.

Over years of people-pleasing I had completely lost touch with who I am. I felt lost, stuck. Getting to know myself again has been a massive step in moving forwards. This self-awareness is something that has come up time and time again when I talk to guests on the podcast, the importance of knowing yourself.

I don’t believe there is a fixed ‘I’ that we can get to know, it’s about being present, being able to check in with where you are in the moment and starting from where you are.

I still have my days when I’m not ok, but generally, I feel much more alive. I try to live in the present and not be ruled so much by regrets or dreams of the future - to live in the now rather than in my head.

Psykhe came about from wanting to share what I have learnt on my own journey. (Plus experiencing the benefits of coaching as both a client and coach to my students).

I feel like such a different person from the one I was 4 years ago yet I feel more like me. This is why we say that you have the answers inside you. It’s not about being a better version of you, it’s about reconnecting with yourself, learning to trust yourself and love yourself again.